Category: Romance

10 Great Reasons to Renew Your Marriage Vows Now

6/30/2017

I recently met a woman after a wedding ceremony I'd done. She told me wistfully that she and her husband had gone to the courthouse when they married. He had promised to do a renewal at their 10-Year Anniversary, but now he didn't want to go to the trouble. Believe me, when you love your spouse and want to continue to nurture your marriage, your Vows Renewal will be worth much more than the time and planning to do it!

So here are my top 10 reasons to renew your wedding vows, in no particular order:

You eloped, went to the courthouse, or never had a real wedding ceremony.
You’ve made it through some really tough times, and you’re ready to say, “I Still Do!”
Your mother(s) planned your original ceremony and you did it all for her or your family; now you want to do it your way.
Your wedding was a disaster and you’d like to recreate a better memory with family and friends.
It’s summer and this is the perfect excuse for a great party!
You didn’t have much money when you got married, so everything was done on a shoestring. Now you’d like to do something a little extravagant and elegant!
It’s a good excuse to take a second honeymoon.
You’re celebrating a milestone anniversary: 10, 20, 25, 30, 40, 50 years, or more.
You can write the vows you really want to exchange now.
You are each other’s second marriage partners, and love really is sweeter the second time around. You’re ready to celebrate that!

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I Don't Know How to Love You

7/21/2014

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When we fall in love with someone we naturally think that we have so much in common that our needs for love will be expressed and received in the same way. But this isn't necessarily so.

You might feel loved best when your partner speaks words of love to you. Your partner might feel loved best when you do little things for him or her, or when you give gifts.

Ordinarily we express our love to others in the way we enjoy receiving it. It can feel baffling when your partner says that he or she doesn't feel loved, and you've been generously expressing love in your style.

Conversely, it can feel lonely and frustrating when your partner never expresses love to you in the way you can receive it best.

We have great intentions, but our love languages may be different. Our partners need our communication to help them love us in the most effective way for us to feel it. We need their communication to help us love them in the most effective way for them to feel it.

It isn't fair to expect your partner to read your mind and figure this out with no communication. It isn't logical or reasonable to decide that their way is wrong or less real or true than yours. It's just different.

So if you do love your partner, find out what gives him or her the full experience of being loved and practice giving love to him or her in that way.

If your partner's expressions of love aren't matching your way of receiving, gently introduce the topic of different love languages and describe yours. Ask them to describe theirs.

Then you can each request more of what you like best, understanding that your partner's needs aren't a criticism of your ability to love them. It's just a difference in your love languages.

It can enrich both of you to know that your partner feels truly loved, even if you don't quite understand why your partner responds to something different than you do.

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What Should We Talk About Before We Get Married?

6/21/2014

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Dr. John Gottman wrote the book on successful marriages. Literally! His book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is based on 4 decades of research with more than 3,000 couples.

His conclusion was that the most important thing successfully long marriages have in common-among men and women-is the quality of the friendship the couple shares.

Before you move in together, and particularly before you get married, there are four areas to consider and talk about together.

Talking about these beforehand can make your transition into co-habitation much smoother and more fun because it eliminates assumptions and unpleasant surprises.

The four areas are: Romance, Social Life, Work and Money. Gottman has created a pack of cards to help make the process of these conversations easier. It's called 52 Questions Before Marriage or Moving In.

Here's an example of the questions from one card in each of the four categories to discuss with your beloved.

Romance: In what ways do you operate well as a team? In what ways could you improve?

Social Life: How strong are your feelings about visiting relatives on holidays and other occasions? Whose will you visit, and how often? How will you each keep up family traditions, obligations, and social niceties?

Work: How will you decide who is responsible for which chores? When the workload gets lopsided, how will you address the issue? Are you willing or able to hire an outside person to help?

Money: If one partner makes or spends more than the other, what feelings does this bring up for you? What financial goals do you agree on?

We often assume that our partner will see these issues exactly as we do, since we love each other so much. It can be quite a surprise to discover that we differ in important ways.

The discovery of differences is an opening to deepening together. Both people will need to yield in some areas and be yielded to in others. Sometimes you will agree –how delightful!

When you don't agree, you will enter together into a realm of discovery and growth. This is one of the opportunities an intimate relationship offers us uniquely, and one we can be grateful for even as it stretches us.

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10 Great Reasons to Renew Your Marriage Vows Now

I Don't Know How to Love You

What Should We Talk About Before We Get Married?

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